Hello loves,
Today I am ranting and the cause of this rant, let us just say that, living in the African culture can be challenging at times. So, before I start my long and tedious rant, I would just like to warn some people out there (you know yourselves), I know that it bothers you so much that I have not settled into marriage. However, please take your comments and questions somewhere else, and spare me the lectures jeez!
Whenever I board a matatu, I always allow my mind to wander around and because I am an avid reader, a certain quote caught my eye. On one of the windows it is written, ‘Life is an individual exam.’ We have all been subjected to exams. these exams are at times done on paper but what is most common about them is that the same paper is given to all the candidates. This makes it easy to consult or even cheat to pass the exam. The next level is the same for every candidate. Now the reason as to why life is an individual exam is that, everybody’s paper is different. One can never cheat at life. One cannot consult because everyone’s experience is different. What makes this exam very unique is that one cannot determine what the next level will be till they get to that level.
My phone is ringing. A peek at it attracts a cringe that seems to announce the unwanted phone call. I try to slap life into my cheeks before I answer that dreadful phone call. She seems to always know when I am smiling or not and culture demands that I find it enjoyable to talk to her. At this point, however, the ringing ends and a sigh of relief engulfs me but even fate knows that this is not a permanent state of things. Like the wizard that it is, it starts ringing again. I cannot ignore this one so, I inhale a sharp and painful breath then I answer,‘hello auntie…’
Oh! The long golden days when staying at my parents’ house was easy; no stress, no pressure, some freedom and responsibility. The narrative now is somewhat sour. My mother sometimes just tells us, she cannot wait for us to get married and move out of her house; tales of a mother. However, I have been struggling with the rest of the battalion; the aunties, the colleagues and some peers who feel that they have a responsibility to always remind me that, ‘age is catching up with you,’ ‘tutashona lini kitenge?’ ‘tuondolee jam tafadhali,’ ‘when am I coming for your wedding?’ ‘when are you getting your baby?’ Okay, I get that these are good-natured concerns but all they do is annoy someone.
It’s enough that quite many people are dealing with insecurities and much worse, the pressures that life at times throw at us. Are there times when you have felt that you have not lived up to your expectations? or that your peers are doing well or settling into marriage and you are nowhere near that possibility? Relax, that is your mind tricking you that you have to measure up to the lives of your friends. Don’t bash me just yet for giving such bad advice, put your opinions in the comment section below.
Being human, there is no way we can avoid gauging ourselves against our peers, it happens unconsciously. We try to measure up our success against that of our peers and if they appear to be doing better, we start to question our lives much more, our methods. Don’t you think that it is enough that you are trying to survive? If you only care about measuring up to your peers, you risk burning out. I am not saying that it is bad to measure up; on the contrary, it is a source of motivation. However, know which battles to fight and which ones to learn from. Drawing lessons from the Bible, ‘there is a time and a season for every purpose under the heaven.’
Journeys are different. Some are long and others, short. Some are difficult while others are easy. Such is life, full of victories and lessons. Your path as an individual can never be another person’s path. There is no comparison between the sun and the moon, they shine when it is their time to shine; why should your life be the same as someone else’s? So, aunties and uncles representing the relatives’ ‘docket,’ friends and those that feel they need to constantly remind us that we should have children, marry or get married and/ or conquer the world, we will shine when it’s our time.
What have you ever been told or asked that ticks you off?
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Till next time, cheers!
In the Mind of a Millennial 
this is perfect, great lessons to pick….. This article is a mirror of what most of us are going through..
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Could’nt have said it any better!
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How did I miss this?.
I attended my cousin’s wedding at shaggz and when getting the bride out the women were singing pointing to me instead of her.
Honestly I am not bothered much.
But one thing I do agree . Do not measure up your life based on that of others…esp on the issue of marriage…scrolling through your mates fb and IG pages, everyone you went to highschool with is celebarting their kids birthdays.
You may scroll yes.. but it’s good to have a fallback. Funny, this happened to me just this week.
If you dwell on it, you’ll go mad.
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Most of the times we do try to measure up to the lives of others but it is important to realize that everyone is on their track. I cringe every time those questions come coupled with some aunties trying to fix me in relationships.
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